Here’s the scenario. Your partner has expressed to you those words that no one wants to hear; ‘It’s not working. I don’t love you anymore. I need some time alone.’
Your blood runs cold. You start to feel sick. You’re powerless, out of control….what can you do???
You begin by taking a breath. Maybe two or three breaths. These breaths start to slow down your heart rate. They bring you back into the moment a little.
You stay there. In this moment. Hunker down, and BREATHE. Maybe that’s all you can do. If so, right now, it’s ENOUGH.
And think for just a moment. You can always breathe. Ok, there are a few exceptions to the rule, like if you’re drowning for instance. But you’re not drowning. Not literally. You may feel like you are emotionally, but physically, you can BREATHE, therefore, physically, you are not drowning. Oxygen is reaching your lungs. And if that’s all you can do right now, that’s OK.
Next up, when you’ve had a moment to breathe, your heart rate has slowed a little…perhaps you’ve had time to experience the weight and dread and the nausea that arises……
Begin where you are. Take it a moment at a time. For many of us the first step is simply feeling the overwhelm. That’s hard. Not because we’re so busy and life never lets up. We would like to blame lack of time, and life getting in our way, but the truth is, we don’t allow ourselves the time to sit with the tremendous upset and pain and fear of this kind of situation.
We’re all, secretly terrified of stopping for long enough that the feelings will rise up. We all tend to think that the feelings will swallow us whole.
Well, I’m here to tell you that they won’t. When we take a moment to stare into the eye of the storm – to feel the fear – to sit in the pain and overwhelm – we’re actually doing something extraordinary. We are taking a moment for ourselves. We are being deeply courageous. We are feeling our current state.
Something quite amazing happens when we do this. It’s a little bit like focusing on the elephant in the room. It sort of shrinks. It comes into focus, and stops being so big, so scary. This is called ‘taking responsibility for our current state’.
When we can find the courage to do this, we’re on the RIGHT PATH. We’re moving towards ourselves, and away from the situation that we cannot control. Feeling our current state, being with it, is an act of self-recognition, and ultimately, it is deeply EMPOWERING. It is the beginning of building personal power in our relationship, and indeed in every aspect of our life.
So, if you’re in that place where your blood has run cold. You have no idea what to do, and you feel sick to your stomach with the over whelm of those words you didn’t want to hear……
Don and I are here to tell you that YOU CAN DO THIS. AND, we are here to support you in doing it. We are here to help.
Book a call with us, and experience the first steps in truly transforming your relationship. Real transformation, real change, begins with YOU.
Let’s get you on that path. https://calendly.com/yoursacredunion/60min
with love always,
Julia and Don 💚✨