Sometimes, it really is the best policy to agree to disagree.
If there’s one thing that can be said about every relationship that we ever encounter in life, it’s that we will never be in perfect harmonious agreement and alignment 100% of the time. No one person is the same as the next – hell, can you imagine how insanely boring and predictable the world would be if we were all the same?
So, we’ll always come across something with someone, that can easily become an issue.
BUT, and this is a big butt (pun intended) – the issue is never really the issue. And this is important – It’s how we deal with the issue that’s the real issue.
The place to start when it comes to being able to walk away from a situation in which you’re not agreeing with your partner, or your partner is not agreeing with you, is to ask yourself this simple question; how important is it that we agree on this?
Ok, in some cases, the issue involves your children, or decisions about where you want to live, how you want to invest your money, how you interact with difficult relatives/in-laws – pretty important stuff. Of course those are the times that it’s really worth getting involved and forging a path forwards in which you both come to a healthy and constructive decision together. (Hint; that usually takes the form of a compromise.)
But, if the situation doesn’t rate that highly on the ‘really important decisions in life’ o-meter, then the chances are that it’s going to be a big time/energy suck, and you’d be better off changing the subject. Yes, really.
When it comes to opinions and habits, you both deserve to be heard. You both deserve to be valued and your opinions about things such as the way the world is, living life, relatives, difficult life events, ALL are completely valid.
And let’s remember one important thing here. If there’s love in this relationship, if we truly love, honour and respect our spouse or partner, aren’t we in the business of allowing them their opinions and ways?
And here is the really ugly truth; that if WE are the ones that feel unheard and unseen, chances are that something we are doing in the relationship is contributing to that reality. It could be something as simple as we aren’t really hearing or respecting our partner either. Perhaps we’ve been harbouring a long term resentment about not being heard. Don’t think for a moment that resentments, just because they go unvoiced, don’t go unnoticed.
Not being truly honest with one another is the cause of untold numbers of petty fights and bickerings about opinions and unimportant nothings. Before we know it we can spend weeks and months and sometimes years wasting time with surface contention, underneath which the real issues are festering.
So let’s agree to disagree. Let’s agree to be different. Even if it’s really annoying sometimes. If we feel like our partner doesn’t allow us to be ourselves, let’s deliberately, openly and honestly enquire into the dynamic and look at how we both treat each other. Let’s start a conversation, before things get too deep in the ‘Department of Unaddressed Resentments’ department.
Agreeing to disagree is about allowing. Let’s allow each other to be who we are, and let’s accept each other as we are. Allowing is not trying to change the other. This is sometimes a hard lesson to learn. But if we can allow, if we can accept, we tend to release our ‘grip’ our judgements and our resistance, and our spouse/partner picks up on that. And guess what? They reciprocate.